In Marriage, Attitude Is Everything: The Power of Politeness

Hello. Steven here. Welcome to your favorite cyber-corner. We have all heard it, maybe even said it ourselves: Attitude is Everything. This adage is true in every aspect of life but especially marriage.

A good attitude sets the tone for everything else.

And by attitude, I don’t mean being chipper all the time or faking happiness. I’m talking about the quiet power of kindness. Thoughtfulness. And yes—plain, old-fashioned politeness.

We often think of politeness as something reserved for strangers or coworkers. But what if I told you that “please,” “thank you,” and “I appreciate you” can do more for your marriage than a dozen date nights?

Here’s the simple reality: politeness creates safety. And safety opens the door to intimacy.

Think about it—would you open your heart to someone who snaps at you? Who dismisses your ideas? Who treats a barista with more care than they treat you?

Probably not.

But when you are spoken to with warmth, and feel like you are heard, understood, and what you say matters —even in disagreement—you’re far more likely to open up, be honest, and connect.

Politeness isn’t about being proper. It’s about being generous with your attitude. A gentle tone instead of a sharp one. Kind understanding and less passive aggression. A patient pause instead of an eye roll. It’s the small stuff that says, “I value you.”

And in the context of a marriage, that message is gold.

So if you want more closeness in your relationship, here’s my challenge: practice intentional politeness for one week. Greet your partner kindly. Say thank you. Offer to help. And when conflict arises, keep your tone in check.

You might be surprised at what happens when the person you love most starts feeling emotionally safe again.

Because at the end of the day, attitude isn’t just everything—it’s the start of everything.