Marriage: Why Do We Communicate, and Why Is It So Difficult?

Hello. Steven here. Welcome to my cyber-corner. Lately, I have been getting an increased number of couples

who are struggling. And at the heart of every disagreement is communication. It sounds simple

to say, “Let’s just fix our communication and everything will be ok.” But why is this so hard?

Let’s start with the basics. Why do we communicate in marriage? It’s more than just exchanging

information; it’s about connection. We communicate because we want to feel heard, understood

and we want what we say to matter to the person we love most. When we share our thoughts,

feelings, and experiences, we are inviting our partner into our world. We want them to know us

and for them to share in that same vulnerability.

But here is the tricky part: Communication is not just about talking and hearing. It’s about

understanding. And that’s where things often go sideways. When we are not truly listening or

when we are too busy trying to make our point, things get misinterpreted. The result? We end up

feeling frustrated, disconnected, and unheard.

Why is this so common? Let’s dig a little deeper.

1. Different Communication Styles

We all communicate differently. Some of us are more direct, while others might hint around at

things or drop subtle clues. We do not always express ourselves in the same way, and that can

lead to misunderstandings. For example, one partner might need to talk through every detail of

an issue, while the other prefers to process things quietly first. These differences can create a

disconnect if we’re not aware of them.

2. Emotions Run High

When emotions get involved, it is easy for communication to go off track. Anger, sadness,

frustration, or even excitement can cloud our ability to interpret as well as how we express

ourselves. In marriage, you are sharing some of your deepest vulnerabilities — so when things

go wrong, those feelings are bound to bubble up often leading to feelings of betrayal. That is

when conversations can get heated, and we may not communicate the way we intend to.

3. Fear of Conflict

A lot of couples avoid tough conversations because they are afraid of conflict. We have all been

there — not wanting to rock the boat or hurt our partner’s feelings. Instead, we sweep things

under the rug or avoid talking about issues, thinking they will eventually resolve themselves.

Unfortunately, unresolved issues pile up and come out in unhealthy ways when they are finally

addressed. It is important to embrace conflict as an opportunity to grow together, rather than

something to be feared.

4. Unspoken Expectations

This is the one I have found to be the most challenging. Sometimes, the communication

breakdown happens because we assume our partner knows what we need or expect. We think

they should automatically understand how we feel or what we want. But here's the truth: no one is a mind reader. We need to be clear and open about our needs, and we also need to be patient with our partner as they do the same.

So, how do we improve communication?

Listen with empathy: Instead of focusing on what you’re going to say next, truly listen to your

partner. Try to understand where they’re coming from.

Avoid blame and accusations: When addressing an issue, focus on how you feel rather than

blaming your partner. “I feel upset when…” works better than “You always…”

Take breaks if needed: If a conversation is getting too heated, it’s okay to take a step back and

revisit it when you’re both calm.

Speak “your” truth: Be honest about your feelings, needs, and concerns — but also be mindful of

how you express them.

Learn to compromise (and sacrifice): Marriage is not about always winning the argument. It’s

about working together to find a solution that works for both of you.

The bottom line? Communication in marriage is hard, but it’s also one of the most rewarding

skills you can develop. It takes practice, patience, and a willingness to grow together. But the

payoff? A deeper connection, understanding, and partnership that can withstand the toughest of

times.

Let’s keep the conversation going — together.

What do you think? Feedback is welcomed.